Porn is love you can see.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
