i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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