Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize