its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
