what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
