You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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