Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
