if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
