I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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