ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
