ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
