Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
