weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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