Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
