just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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