I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
