i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
