well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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