Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
