who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
