New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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