I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
