It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
