He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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