Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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