Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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