i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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