she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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