I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
