Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
