everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
