Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
