WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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