I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
