just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
