Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
