I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
