I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
