Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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