thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
