Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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