I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
