Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
