when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
