he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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