Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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