it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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