Its about making memories worth repressing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
