Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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