every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
