Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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