Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
