i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
