what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
