SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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