i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
