You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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