Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize