Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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