I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
