who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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