Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize