She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need water and some morals
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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