The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
