I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
