just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
