Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
