I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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