What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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